I shared the emotional/spiritual side of 2 of my children’s passing and how gratitude was what saved us and has helped us see our lives not as tragedies, but as beautiful lives the way God intended. Post here. Now let’s look at what science has to say about gratitude in grief and how gratitude can be a form of self-care physically and emotionally
From Psychology Today,
“‘You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.’- Elizabeth Gilbert
Gratitude is perhaps the most important key to finding success and happiness in the modern day. Knowing what we appreciate in life means knowing who we are, what matters to us and what makes each day worthwhile. Paying attention to what we feel grateful for puts us in a positive frame of mind. It connects us to the world around us and to ourselves. Research demonstrates that focusing on what we are grateful for is a universally rewarding way to feel happier and more fulfilled.” (1)
Gratitude also isn’t something we do as a response, but it has to be something we consistently, proactively do. “What we have learned is that cultivating personal attributes fortifies us during times of adversity and emotional turmoil and leads to greater happiness and resilience. Moreover, of all the attributes one can develop, gratitude is most strongly associated with mental health.” (2)
How does gratitude benefit us physically?
- Improves our physical health overall
- Boosts energy
- Lessens aches and pains
- Improves sleep (1)
- Stronger heart
- Strengthens immune system
- Decreases blood pressure (2)
And how does it benefit us emotionally?
- Brings joy
- Cultivates optimism
- Helps build new and lasting relationships
- Gives motivation to accomplish goals
- Helps us be more alert and determined
- Better self-esteem (1)
- Helps us have more connection in times of loss or crises
- Boosts emotional and academic intelligence
- Increases our capacity for forgiveness
- Decreases stress, depression, and anxiety
- Increases our spirituality and helps us see something bigger than ourselves (2)
- A study at UC Berkeley found that those who practiced gratitude along with counseling experienced better mental health than just counseling alone. (They found gratitude COUPLED with counseling is especially beneficial) (3)
- Helps shake toxic emotions (3)
- Positively impacts the brain. MRI study from Berkeley here (3)
- Boosts mental strength (4)
- Creates resilience
The best example of a grateful heart and joyful person I know is my Nana. She passed away this past December and I miss her terribly. She has always been such an inspiration to me that we named our oldest daughter after her. She lived through the Depression, her husband fought in WWII right after they had just been married at 19, she had Pre-eclampsia during her first pregnancy (twins), and her and her children almost passed away, she had a health issue that left one leg twice the size of the other, etc. however, one day she told me she’d had a pretty easy life 😂 I don’t think it wasn’t that she didn’t recognize life was hard, but I think she just viewed life through a lens of gratitude and as a result saw her life as wonderful and chose joy.
In my darkest, most soul crushing moment, gratitude is what pulled me out and showed me there is something to be grateful for in every circumstance. I love this talk that emphasizes this principle. Our lives are beautiful and there is something to be grateful for for each of us, no matter how bleak. If you are feeling hopeless and suicidal please call the suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255) and get help. We need you!
Here are some ideas I loved as I researched this article for ways to practice consistent gratitude:
- Gratitude journal – write 3 things you are grateful for each day. Expound on one if you like (2)
- Gratitude meditation- can read more about it here
- Say thank you often!
- Write thank you letters
- Practicing Mindfulness- being fully in the here and now. Not multitasking, etc (1)
- One from me, that I love is just praying to whoever you believe in, and thanking them for everything they have blessed you with. I love to start my day this way. Throughout the day, I try hard to anytime I feel joy, thank God for it. Three examples that I frequently thank Him for: my husband and my children. But especially when I just feel overcome with love and joy while spending time with my little one, I’ll just say a quick prayer and thank God for blessing me with this precious child. Another one that happens frequently is when I’m outside and think how beautiful it is, I thank God for creating such a beautiful earth! If you don’t believe in a higher power, it could just mean being thankful for what you have. This is such a joy-producing exercise no matter what you believe in 🙂
- You’re alive. That in and of itself is no small thing
- Think of anyone you love, are you grateful for them?
- Think of any shelter you may have. A bed, home, heat, blankets.
- Look at yourself and pray to/meditate to whoever you believe in. Ask them to help you see what they see in you. Think of any positive qualities about yourself. Do you try hard even if you don’t always get it right (none of us do!), do you try to be kind? Be grateful for who you are and what lead you there, and the opportunity to grow and learn
- Do you like nature? Do you think your surroundings beautiful? Be grateful you live in such a beautiful world
Lastly, just to be clear, I am in no way advocating suppressing or ignoring negative feelings. That can also cause issues. It also negatively impacts our physical and emotional health (source). My point is we all have something to be grateful for, even if it’s as simple as the breath we breathe. And I’m sure we can all point to a time when expressing gratitude brought joy, but it makes it even cooler to me that it’s backed by science that one of the best things we can do for our physical and mental health is express gratitude.
1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201511/the-healing-power-gratitude?amp
2.https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-transformative-power-_2_b_6982152/amp
3.https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain
Why we celebrate the birthdays of our children who’ve passed away